Has Texting Killed Romance?!
To the horror of my younger brother and sister, as you may recall, I confessed in our two day orientation back in August that I am a huge fan of romantic comedies. The sappier, the better! It maybe because, at 29, I have yet to met my one true love, I am still searching for my “Noah” (if anyone has seen The Notebook, they know what I mean!) I love to live vicariously through the trials and tribulations of the love-struck characters in these movies because I have no romance in my life.
The last time I was asked out on a date in-person was circa 2003. Since then, I have been set-up on “virtual” blind dates, friends who have passed along my e-mail address or cell-phone number to a potential suitor who then asks me out via an e-mail or text message. But it does not feel as cute and charming as the courtship of Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in You’ve Got Mail. The text or email I receive seems so generic, so convenient, and so not romantic. The guys always send the same message, “Hey, your friend gave me your e-mail address/number. Do you want to grab drinks this week?” I always say “yes” because I never know when Mr. Right may come along. He could be the one who just sent me a two-sentence e-mail or text that began with a casual “hey”.
As you can imagine, I enjoyed reading Rheingold’s chapter, “Shibuya Epiphany” from the book Smart Mobs because I learned that I was not alone, women all over the world are being asked out on dates via text messages. According to Rheingold’s research:
One of the most obvious early impacts on the level of the immediate social network is the role of texting in youthful mating rituals. Because they can take their time to compose their message, and because they don’t have to face rejection in person, young men in Scandinavian and elsewhere have found it easier to ask for dates. (p. 26).
Although, I would still like to consider myself “youthful”, I am not nor are my suitors. I would like to inform Rheingold that women in their late twenties are also being asked out via text message. I give guys credited for asking girls out, I have never asked a guy out because it is intimidating! I tell people that I have never asked a guy out because “I am old-fashion” and believe a guy should ask a girl out but the truth is I don’t want to be rejected. So I understand why men have resorted to asking women out via text messages because if they do get rejected they can simply “delete” the message and act as if it never happened.
However, I do feel as if today’s youth who grew up with cell phones may be robbed of some of life’s great lessons (and most awkward moments) I wonder how many girls were asked to the prom via text message last year? Or how many girls were dumped via text messages? It almost feels as if text messages are a crutch, a safety guard for today’s youth who can “hide behind their cell-phones” instead of engaging in “face to face” conversations with a crush. How do you translate blushing, butterflies in your stomach and being swept off your feet via a text? To me a virtual courtship does not seem as exciting as the real thing!
I will admit that although I long for one of those great love stories in my life, I am a HUGE hypocrite because like anyone else who has a crush, I am thrilled when I receive a text message from the guy I am interested in. The text makes my day because it means that he is thinking about me. But when I think about it more…it does feel al bit like settling! I have to ask myself….Does receiving a text of an image of a dozen roses replace how I feel when I receive a real bouquet of roses? Does a sweet text replace receiving a love letter? Does a “virtual” smiley face replace actually seeing my crush in person smile at me and make me feel as if I am the only woman in the room?! Does a gift sent via Facebook make up for the real thing?! I don’t think so and it makes me long for a return to real-life romance rather than “virtual romance”!
Team Dating
I believe text messaging has also contributed to a new form of dating, one I have dubbed as “team dating”. I cannot tell you how many times my best friend from college who lives half-way across the country has called me to tell me about an e-mail or text message she has received from a potential suitor. She will read the message to me over the phone and then ask, “What should we write back? I want my reply to be witty and sassy. Help!” So we brainstorm together, I come up with at least three potential responses; she critiques them until we decide on the right one. My best friend will say, “That is it! That is brilliant! Should I put a smiling face with a wink at the end so he knows I am joking?!” I answer, “It is up to you” (but what I am really thinking is if this guy can’t figure out she is being sarcastic in her text then he is an idiot). My friend says, “I think I will add the winking face at the end. Thank you! I am going to send it right now and I will keep you posted on his response”. “Great, keep me posted”, I say. This virtual courtship will be my entertainment for the week until my friend decides she is “not that into this guy” and before I know it, I am helping her compose another text to a new guy.
Like I said, I live vicariously through the lives of characters in romantic movies and my friends. How lame am I?! However, my ego is not bruised too badly because once again I am not alone! According to Eija-Liisa Kasasniemi, a Finnish folklorist who researched the text message culture of Finnish teenagers found that, “text messages are circulated among friends, composed together, read together, and fitting expressions or entire messages borrowed from others” (p.16). The same holds true for single, American woman in their late-twenties. We share text messages with our girlfriends and as I explained above we even compose the reply message together. Hmmm….if my day job does not work out, I wonder if I should start a company where I develop responses to text messages for my friends. I can charge $5 per message. It would be a great way for me to make some “extra change” which I could spend on a much-needed new ward bore so when I do run into my Mr. Right, I will looking fabulous in a new outfit and will be ready to star in my very own real life love story. Boy meets girl in person…boy sweeps girl off her feet….boy and girl live happily ever after. What can I say?!….I still believe in fairy tales!
